Sex and the City Quotes: Season 2
EPISODE 13: TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLPARK
Charlotte: Oh God, seeing someone for the first time [after you break up] is the worst. You never know how to act.
Carrie: Yeah, and then there's the vomit.
James: And how are the most beautiful women in Manhattan?
Miranda: If I see them, I'll ask.
Charlotte: It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
Carrie: Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgement.
Miranda: How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
Samantha: Does he have a pair of lowhangers?
Carrie: Is that a patented phrase?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 14: THE AWFUL TRUTH
Susan Sharon: It's 100% Italian cashmere and light as a feather.
Carrie: God, I love it! It's a cashmere-acle!
Miranda: Sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferrable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 15: THE FREAK SHOW
Miranda: I'm sorry, if a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out or propogating the species.
Carrie: Okay, well, what about us?
Miranda: We're just choosy.
Carrie: When Charlotte really liked somebody she said their whole name. It helped her picture their future monogrammed towels.
Samantha: ...Going down, giving head...
Carrie: ...Eating out...
Miranda: I never understood that. Shouldn't it be "eating in"?
Carrie: The reality was, the only thing that went down with any regularity on Charlotte's dates was a Gold American Express card.
Miranda: Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
Carrie: It got old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 16: THEY SHOOT SINGLE PEOPLE, DON'T THEY?
Miranda: Orgasm? A major thing in a relationship?
Charlotte: Yeah, but not the only thing. I mean, orgasms don't send you Valentine's day cards and they don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
Carrie: Mine do.
Samantha: Is he that bad in bed?
Miranda: No. He's just... he's a guy. He can rebuild a jet engine but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx.
Carrie: By now she knew that "we" William wasn't ever going to show up. He was one of those men who faked a future to get what he wanted in the present.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 17: FOUR WOMEN AND A FUNERAL
Charlote: Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.
Samantha: I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?
Big: I never really thought about it.
Carrie: Oh come on. Everybody wonders what happens after you die.
Big: I'm too busy wondering who's dinging my car in the garage.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 18: THE CHEATING CURVE
Samantha: Nobody told me it was BYO man!
Carrie: Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.
Samantha: I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?
Samantha: Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can.
Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism!
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 19: THE CHICKEN DANCE
Carrie: It all seemed so familiar. She was having a deja fuck.
Charlotte: I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?
Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.
Miranda: I'd like to forget some of the men I've slept with.
Charlotte: I keep a list.
Miranda: Oh, how sweet. "Men to do today."
Big: This is fun.
Carrie: It's not supposed to be fun. This is somebody's wedding.
Carrie: Samantha could always be counted on to take life's lemons and make them into Spanish Fly.
His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was, "I do."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 20: THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE VIAGRA
Carrie: I'm at Big's.
Miranda: You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
Carrie: Well, he got this veal...
Miranda: You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 21: OLD DOGS, NEW DICKS
Samantha: If checking out other women is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky.
Carrie: Well, if it's that small, then he should be able to stop.
Samantha: Oh please, you can't change that about a man. It's part of their genetic code. Like farting.
Carrie: You've never seen an uncircumsized one?
Charlotte: I'm from Connecticut!
Samantha: It's not what it looks like, it's what they can do with it.
Charlotte: Well, I don't need one that can make its own carrying case.
Miranda: If 85% [of men] aren't circumsized, that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops.
Carrie: Wow, you're practically a virgin!
Random guy: Every girlfriend I've had wants me to change something. Change your job, change your friends, change your attitude... The only thing I change is girlfriends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 22: THE CASTE SYSTEM
Carrie: Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
Charlotte: Well, how long are you going to give him?
Carrie: Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.
Steve: What's wrong with corduroy?
Miranda: I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 23: EVOLUTION
Doctor: Your right ovary has stopped producing eggs.
Miranda: Is it possible it's just on strike?
Miranda: I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard!
Samantha: I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
Charlotte: What happens to it?
Samantha: Nothing; I just never go back.
Carrie: Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
Samantha: That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
Miranda: And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.
Charlotte: I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?
Carrie: Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man or is he a gay straight man?
Carrie (voiceover): The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theatre and antique furniture.
Charlotte: I have never done a number two at a boyfriend's place.
Samantha: Honey, you're so uptight, you need to do a number seven.
Samantha: Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 24: LA DOULEUR EXQUISE!
Stanford: Excuse me, but when did wild sex come back in style?
Carrie: I think that was the weekend you spent at the Barney's warehouse sale.
Charlotte, about a waiter dressed in a bondage outfit: How does he wait on tables dressed like that? It's humiliating.
Carrie: Well, the summer I worked at Howard Johnson's I had to wear an orange hat.
Samantha (to Charlotte): I wonder what your fetish is.
Stanford: Charlotte has a thing for Crabtree & Evelyn potporri.
Samantha: Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we," and their version of "we" is "me"... and my dick!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 25: GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
Carrie: Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
Samantha: Look, we're as fucked up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.
Carrie: Therapy? It's just so self-indulgent. Ancient man didn't need shrinks to survive.
Miranda: Ancient man only lived until thirty.
Samantha: The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs we could run the world!
Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.
Carrie: I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me.
Miranda: So what, you're like a flystrip for dysfunctional men?
Carrie: Yeah, but one of those really pretty floral scented ones.
Carrie: Sports night: every female's fantasy. A room full of captive heterosexual men all looking to be distracted during commercial breaks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 26: THE FUCK BUDDY
Carrie: It's a pattern.
Samantha: I don't have a pattern.
Carrie: In math, randomness is considered a pattern.
Samantha: Yes, and I'm what they call a prime number.
Carrie: The idea that someone else was having great sex and flaunting it was more than [Samantha] could bear. So she decided, if you can't join 'em... beat it.
Samantha: Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
Carrie: Say it a little louder, I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
Samantha: You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?
Carrie: A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call.
Samantha: Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!
Miranda: You double-booked?
Carrie: How do you conceive pulling this one off?
Charlotte: Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.
Samantha: My god, you're turning into a man!
Carrie (voiceover): Apparently Charlotte had done more than just break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.
Charlotte: I just don't know how I'm going to eat two dinners in a row.
Carrie (voiceover): And just like that, she was a woman again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 27: SHORTCOMINGS
Miranda, about her divorced boyfriend: I don't wear vintage clothes. I hate flea markets. I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be... I don't know... used?
Carrie: Okay, before this goes any further, just make sure his parts are still under warranty.
Samantha: Here's what I think. Round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound. That way, you get their whole history before you take one home.
Vaughn: Hey, GQ called.
Carrie: Really? They want you to write something?
Vaughn: No, they want me to wear something. It's great to be a writer these days. There's so little writing involved.
Carrie: Just don't be photographed in anything sleeveless. No one who went sleeveless ever won a Pulitzer.
Duncan: I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
Miranda: Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual holy grail.
Wesley: I need a cocktail. Now where's your vodka?
Charlotte: I don't have any.
Wesley: And you call yourself a WASP?
Samantha: Get out now before he stains all your sheets!
Miranda: Oh, come on, that's harsh! It could be that he was just nervous.
Carrie: The first time is always weird.
Miranda: And he probably had something to drink.
Carrie: And we just spent the whole day with his family.
Samantha: LOOK. This guy could not get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry. I hate being right about this.
Carrie: I like him.
Samantha: Well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.
Carrie: But the thing I like best about him is his family.
Samantha: Mmm! Anyone there you can fuck?
Samantha: I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but... I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool Aid and chips.
Carrie: Kool Aid?
Samantha: Yeah! Kool Aid! I was thirteen. And honey—you should've seen my tan!
Wallis (Vaughn's mom): When Frannie told me she was a lesbian, I said "great—just as long as you're not Republican."
Charlotte, to Samantha: Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be—it's the hottest spot in town—it's always open!
Charlotte, to Wesley: You don't know Samantha. I do. She has so many notches on her bedpost it's practically whittled down to a toothpick.
Charlotte: That was a terrible thing I said.
Samantha: Yes, it was. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another tour group coming through my vagina in ten minutes.
Carrie: Wallis was right. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 28: WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
Carrie: So what type of movies do you compose for?
Patrick: Really bad ones. You know, the "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer on Elm Street" type.
Miranda: I'm trying to change my bed karma. I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be, others will feel the same.
Carrie: Aah, the Field of Dreams.
Miranda: Exactly. If you build it, he will come.
Carrie, about her date who wouldn't kiss her: I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.
Miranda: Perineum. Latin for "not without an engagement ring."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 29: TWENTY-SOMETHING GIRLS VS. THIRTY-SOMETHING WOMEN
Charlotte: It's a really cute three bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.
Carrie: Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
Samantha: We could always burn sage.
Carrie: The Hampton's Jitney is just like the bus to summer camp. Only instead of singing songs, everyone ignores each other and talks on their cell phones.
Charlotte: ...if he asks, he thinks I'm 27.
Carrie (voiceover): Evidently while we had taken the midtown tunnel, Charlotte had taken the time tunnel.
Carrie: Are you seriously telling me that you've never had sex with a man?
Laurel: That is correct.
Carrie: Okay, aah, now, what do you consider sex?
Laurel: Are you implying I'm some kind of Lewinsky?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE 30: EX AND THE CITY
Samantha: I've never been able to be friends with any man. Why would I? Women are for friendships, men are for fucking.
Samantha: Honey, you have got to learn to form an opinion.
Carrie: There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
Miranda: "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?
Miranda (crying): I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just... I hadn't seen you in so long and I missed you, and then I did that shitty thing!
Steve: It wasn't that shitty, really.
Miranda: It was! It was a shitty thing! I'm a shitty person!
Steve: You're not a shitty person.
Miranda: I am! I am shitty! You would never do anything so shitty!
Steve: What do you call showing up in the middle of the afternoon to call you shitty?
(PAUSE)
Miranda: Yeah, that was pretty shitty!
Carrie: An hour later I had solved the unsolvable friendship equation. It seems the answer is this: cosmopolitans plus scotch equals friendship with an ex.
Carrie: You broke up with James because he was too small. This guy's too big. Who are you, Goldicocks?
Samantha: Yep! I'm looking for one that's juuuust right.
Carrie: Your girl is lovely, Hubble.
Mr. Big: I don't get it.
Carrie: And you never did.
