Sex and the City Quotes: Season 4
EPISODE 49: THE AGONY AND THE 'EX'-TASY
Samantha: That's the postal equivalent of a drive-by shooting.
Carrie: Yeah, and I thought those fifty-seven menus I get every day from Hunan Munan were annoying.
—on dating service flyers
Carrie: I'd like to think that people have more than one soulmate.
Samantha: I agree! I've had hundreds.
Carrie: Yeah! And you know what, if you miss one, along comes another one. Like cabs.
Carrie: If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong.
Carrie: I'm thirty-five.
Samantha: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.
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EPISODE 50: THE REAL ME
Miranda: Smart, yes, sometimes cute, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.
Carrie: You win men over with your personality?
Carrie: Your vagina's depressed?
Charlotte: The mood elevator sort of corrects the imbalance.
Miranda: Wait a minute, how do you know your vagina's depressed?
Charlotte: There are symptoms!
Carrie: Like what, it can't meet its deadline?
Miranda: It always wants to go to Krispy Kreme?
Lynn Cameron (fashion show producer), to Carrie: You're fucking doing my show if I have to hunt you down, skin you alive and have one of the other models wear you.
Stanford: Ooh! Gucci and Dolce and Dior!
Carrie: Oh my!
Stanford: Oh my god! She's fashion roadkill!
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EPISODE 51: DEFINING MOMENTS
Samantha: Oh, who cares what you are! Just enjoy it.
Charlotte: No, I need to know where we're going.
Carrie: We need to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you—a lot of them were hung.
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EPISODE 52: WHAT'S SEX GOT TO DO WITH IT?
Carrie: You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.
Samantha: That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
Carrie: Or Birkenstock.
Miranda, to Carrie's answering machine: Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.
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EPISODE 53: GHOST TOWN
Charlotte: Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she.
Trey: Of course! Mother does all our houses.
Charlotte: I should have known. The plaid, and the mallards...
Trey: You don't like them?
Charlotte: No! It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!
Maria: You call this a relationship?
Samantha: Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES!
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EPISODE 54: BABY, TALK IS CHEAP
Charlotte: I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies.
Carrie: Good.
Samantha: What the hell is a diaper genie?
Carrie: I don't know... someone you hire to change a kid's diaper?
Miranda: He kind of... licked my butt.
Samantha: Be specific. Do you mean the cheeks, or...?
Miranda: It was more localized than that.
Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we... are we talking tookus lingus?
Carrie: How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
Miranda: I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!'
Carrie: Who is this guy?
Miranda: Who's the woman who loved it?
Samantha: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!
Carrie: Bingo!
Carrie: I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.
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EPISODE 55: TIME AND PUNISHMENT
Samantha: Men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
Carrie: Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?
Carrie: I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter.
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EPISODE 56: MY MOTHERBOARD, MY SELF
Charlotte: Whose legs bend back that far?
Miranda: This is like sex for the boneless!
Samantha: See, that's what I love about this guy, Nick, I'm seeing.
Miranda: He's de-boned?
Charlotte: You exchanged keys? That's big!
Carrie: No, that's the opposite of Big.
Samantha: I've lost my orgasm.
Carrie: In the cab?
Charlotte: What do you mean, 'lost'?
Samantha: I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.
Carrie: It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.
Samantha: I can always get there.
Charlotte: Every time you have sex?
Carrie: She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.
Samantha: Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.
Carrie: Now let's retrace your steps. Were you on top?
Samantha: How is that relevant?
Charlotte: You mean you can have them on the bottom?
Samantha: Top, bottom, upside down...
Carrie: All right, now you're just showing off.
Carrie: Philadelpha. Just a hop, skip, a cab, a metroliner and another cab away.
Charlotte: Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"!
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EPISODE 57: SEX AND THE COUNTRY
Trey: She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated.
Charlotte: Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.
Trey: People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.
Carrie: You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.
Carrie: Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan.
Samantha: Who's the farmer with the dells?
Carrie: Young MacDonald?
Samantha: Oooh! E-I-E-I-O!
Carrie: What's he doing out here?
Samantha: Pushups, by the look of it.
Carrie: The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.
Samantha: These [fast food apple pies] are surprisingly delicious!
Carrie: I konw! Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized?
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EPISODE 58: BELLES OF THE BALLS
Miranda: There's nothing to be embarrassed about; he's still got one.
Carrie: Miranda, they come in a set. Like earrings.
Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.
Charlotte: We're having Trey's sperm tested.
Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?
Miranda: [Women] care about nice arms, great eyes, big dick! I have never once heard a woman say "he had such a big, full scrotum."
Miranda: Men—wait, let me rephrase that—some men...
Carrie: Good move, counselor. That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner.
Charlotte: I bought you this.
Trey: Juggs?
Charlotte: I know how much you like them!
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EPISODE 59: COULDA, WOULDA, SHOULDA
Miranda: He only has one ball and I have a lazy ovary. In what world does that create a baby? ... It's like the special olympics of conception!
Aidan: Well, if Miranda doesn't want the kid, can't she just give it to Charlotte?
Carrie: No... it's not like a sweater.
Samantha on the Hermes Birken bag: Oh honey, it's not so much the style, it's what carrying it means!
Carrie: It means you're out four thousand bucks.
Carrie: I made him swear on Chanel.
Miranda: Well, as long as he took the oath of fabric!
Samantha: If it's so hard to get pregnant, how do you account for the number of crying children on planes?
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EPISODE 60: JUST SAY YES
Carrie: Maybe this is all happening because my building is going co-op. Is this a real estate merger? Am I a real estate bride?
Miranda: If there were unlimited apartments in Manhattan, we'd all be single forever.
Charlotte: We're not barren, we're reproductively challenged!
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EPISODE 61: THE GOOD FIGHT
Carrie: Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff.
Samantha: This is why I've never lived with a man. This and the fact I want them out an hour after I climax.
Miranda: You let them stay a whole hour?
Samantha: Okay, you want details? Okay. He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. Long, pink, amazing. It's dickalicious!
Miranda: I don't know... is it okay to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another guy's baby?
Carrie: If one more person asks me that today...
Miranda: This is the last chance. Last chance for sex.
Carrie: You're not on death row.
Miranda: Yes I am! Dead woman fucking!
Carrie: I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in wtih someone.
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EPISODE 62: ALL THAT GLITTERS
Samantha (answering the phone): Well, it's about fucking time! Come over here and do me!
Carrie: Is that your standard greeting now?
Miranda: Why don't straight men have bodies like this?
Carrie: Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym. If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too.
Samantha: I've had sex at the gym.
Carrie: See? Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!
Carrie: Are you two together?
Anthony: No, but I'm hoping we will be around 3:30 [am].
Charlotte: I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger!
Samantha: It's not a stranger, it was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby.
Miranda: Oh, well then we know it's safe. Will we be going to a rave later?
Stanford: I saw the way you were behaving. You're sleeping with the beautiful man!
Carrie: The beautiful man is gay.
Stanford: Damn! An accent always throws me.
Charlotte: Aaah! It's gay porn!!
Miranda: What was your first clue?
Charlotte: You said we were watching an independent film! I brought biscotti!
Carrie: Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy.
Carrie: I'd been so preoccupied by my gay boyfriend, I kept forgetting about my gay husband.
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EPISODE 63: CHANGE OF A DRESS
Carrie: Ooh! I forgot about the washer and dryer! I've been dreaming about that my whole New York life!
Miranda: I just faked a sonogram.
Carrie: You know what they say: If it ain't broke...
Samantha: Don't marry it.
Miranda: It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.
Samantha: I think I have monogamy. I must have caught it from you people.
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EPISODE 64: RING A DING DING
Carrie: Great love stories are supposed to end with tragedy and tears, not papers from the law offices of Gold & Vogel.
Carrie: I'm homeless! I'll be a bag lady! A Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady!!
Miranda: "Best" is the worst.
Samantha: "Best" is like saying "not love."
Woman on the street, to Carrie: Why do you have to take the bus if you're on the bus?
Miranda: I'm telling you: the fat ass, the farting—it's ridiculous. I am un-fuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life. ... That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, os somebody is obligated to have sex with you.
Carrie: I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have noplace to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!
Samantha: Roger, honey, you've seen my bush. We're a little past acting coy.
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EPISODE 65: A 'VOGUE' IDEA
Samantha: Is a three-way with a 21-year-old a bad idea for Richard's birthday?
Carrie: What are you going to give him next year? A four-way?
Miranda: But who would I invite [to my baby shower] besides you guys?
Samantha: All the bitches who made you go to theirs!
Samantha: Oh honey, I have tricks she hasn't even seen!
Carrie: And those tricks ain't for kids!
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EPISODE 66: I HEART NY
Carrie, to Big: You can't leave New York! You're the Chrysler Building! The Chrysler Building would be all wrong in a vineyard!
Samantha: I'm always surprised when anyone leaves New York. I mean, where do they go?
Miranda: The real world?
Samantha: A homeless man showed me his dick on the way here. It doesn't get any realer than that.
Samantha: Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore. If it's bad, you just had sex with an ex.
Samantha: This love stuff can be a muthafucka.
Charlotte: Did you just say 'love'?
Samantha: If you want out of this, just say it.
Richard: I don't want to have sex once and I want out?
Samantha: What about yesterday?
Richard: We were at the opera!
Samantha: I was bored!
Richard: I heard the weather this morning but they didn't say anything about a shitstorm!
Charlotte: Miranda has a son!
Samantha: Just what the world needs: another man.
Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.
